Oprah… has a way of nailing things right on the head. I don’t know if it’s all those quiet private plane rides from Chicago to Santa Barbara and back, but the lady has one seriously charged thinking cap.
The other day Her Lady O had the Author of “Women, Food and God” on to speak about her book, and how it is changing so many lives. After Oprah put her golden tear of approval on the 211 page weight loss bible, women of the audience and readers of the book shared their stories via home video and in studio testimony. I of course had an Oprah ‘ah ha’ moment, and impulsively squealed my “AH HA”, out loud. Luckily, myself and 2 dogs were the only ones in the room. My ‘ah ha’ moment came when a woman was talking about her 11 year old daughter. She overheard her daughter make a comment about her thighs, and how she was fat.
Two things are important here, both of which Oprah beat me in identifying. One, children are our best mirrors. What we identify ourselves as is amplified by our kids. I don’t have children, but as someones child, I’ve realized that as I’ve gotten older, a lot of my issues are a reduced version of my parents. I exhibit my fathers self inflicted pressure to succeed, my mothers desire to make others feel happy at any cost even to myself. We identify with our parents identities because for such a huge portion of our developing lives, they are what we know to be true. In this woman’s case, she always struggled with weight, was vocal about it, hereby her daughter adapted the behavior and the identity of ‘fat’ most likely before she even knew what ‘fat’ was. Now, as a pre-teen, she stands staring in the mirror verbally assaulting herself about her appearance. Whether the child is over weight or not clearly isn’t the issue. The issue here is important point number two…
In one of my earlier blogs I talk about disapproval. Just like anything, when we practice something we naturally become better at it. When we practice disapproval of ourselves or others, it becomes apart of who we are. We are all born perfect beings, so an identity of such self hatred could only be taught, even inadvertently. My point, the daughter has learned by observation that this is how her mother speaks to herself, however when the mother hears her daughter exhibit the same behavior, she is in shock and awe. Why? Because she’s a child. Most if not all emotional issues start in childhood, what changes as we get older is the way we treat ourselves about them as our environments change. We become more cruel and explicit in our remarks to ourselves. Remarks of course that no one would make to a child. This woman, realizing this, walks into the room with her daughter and through positive and gentle affirmation, attempts to reinforce her daughters self esteem, self worth, and image. Speaking to her as she is, a child.
But aren’t we all? If our emotional issues begin in childhood, than in those issues, aren’t we always going to be children?
What’s to change is how we treat ourselves. Begin today by treating yourself a little better. When an insecurity arises, talk to yourself as if you were a child. Be an advocate for your own healing. Stick up for yourself, against yourself. Be your own vigilante versus your own bully.